Babysitting 101
by Heart's Fate
Summary: A girl's night out turns into a night from hell for seven men. What happens when these men get staddled with the responsiblity with caring for nine wild kids and a smart talking thirteen year old?
1. Lesson One

**Distribution**: Ask and you shall receive.

**Notes**: This is humor mainly. An interesting idea I received when talking to a few friend and imaging certain guys in a role like this. I hope ya like the first chapter.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything you recognize. All the kids belong to me though.

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_**Lesson One: Listen to the pleas from the children.**_

It was a chilly evening; John and Randy sat on the couch completely ignoring everything else as they focused on the football game that was currently being played on the TV. The two men on the edge of their seats, exclaiming their excitement when something went in their favor. A short distance away in the West Newbury natives' kitchen stood a frowning redhead and an amused blonde.

"I'll never understand men's fascination with football." Lita grumbled.

Maria shook her head; "it's just a guy thing. I don't really think there is a real explanation for it."

Lita smiled and shook her head. "I guess so."

"Hey Li babe, can ya bring me a beer?" John shouted from his spot on the couch.

"Yeah, Maria. Honey, get me one too." Randy yelled shortly after.

Lita scowled as she turned her attention to the two little girls coloring at the kitchen table before glaring at the two on the couch. "What did I tell you about drinking in front of the kids, John?"

The questioned male shrugged, "I don't remember but I still want my drink."

"Get it yourself Cena."

She heard what sounded like him mocking her; the nearest object was thrown at his head.

"What the hell? A soda bottle. Couldn't ya have at least thrown the beer?"

"John!"

"Randy smack John for us please." Maria smiled sweetly as her boyfriend did just that. The shorter man returning the favor with a punch to the arm.

Lita ran a hand over her face; "I'm really beginning to wonder if we should really be going out."

Just as Maria was about to reply, the front door was opened and an all too familiar voice was heard entering the house.

"William stop pulling Isabella's hair." Dawn's yell was heard the pair occupying the couch cringed slightly.

"But mommy she stole my toy." William whined.

"Willy listen to your mother." Kurt sighed. A scowl soon being turned on him.

"Don't call him that. That's a horrible nickname for him." Dawn stated as she removed her coat.

The two young children hurried away from their parents and towards the kitchen. A chorus of 'Auntie Amy' soon being heard. Kurt glanced behind him to the 13-year-old boy, who didn't look the least bit happy. As Dawn walked off to the kitchen, after greeting the nonmoving forms of Randy and John, Kurt spoke.

"Remember what I told you Ethan."

"Yeah, yeah I know Uncle Kurt. I have to keep my smartass comments to myself. Ow! What was that for?" Ethan exclaimed as he rubbed the back of his head.

"What did I tell you about saying that kind of stuff?"

John glanced over at the bald man. "Stop harassin' the kid and get your ass over here. Your talkin' is ruinin' the game."

Kurt rolled his eyes, before he and Ethan joined the two in the living room.

It wasn't long before the four youngest children began to run around the house. Kurt and Dawn's children running from the two little girls who had been in the kitchen. The whirlwinds stopped when they entered the living room occupied by the men. The two girls looked at one another before jumping onto the closet set of bodies.

"Tabby!" Randy exclaimed as the little blonde landed hard on his lap, a cute lopsided smile on her face.

Everyone's attention fell onto the other body on the couch as the West Newbury native let out a surprising screech. The three women in the kitchen hurried into the living room and stopped short at the sight. Randy as leaning on the arm of the couch laughing as he pointed to John. Little Tabby giggled. The corners of Kurt's lips twitched as he tried not to laugh while Ethan was curled up in a ball on the floor.

Hazel eyes sparkled with laughter as John scowled as her little cousin; Rachel bounced happily on John's lap, the man's cap over her brown curls.

"Rachel...I think its time you got down." Lita said between laughs.

The four year-old pouted. "But Li...I wanna stay with Uncle Johnny."

Maria smirked, "Johnny?"

John's scowl deepened as he reached out and stopped the little girl from bouncing. "Rachel, how many times have I told ya not to call me that?"

Huge hazel eyes blinked "don't be a silly head Uncle Johnny." She smiled pinching the man's cheek.

Dawn smiled as she patted John's head. "Yeah Johnny boy, don't be silly."

Blue eyes narrowed as he moved his head and nipped at her hand.

"Hey, hey that's my wife you're biting Cena." Kurt exclaimed as William and Isabella climbed onto his lap.

"Ow, what was that for?" John pouted as he looked down at the little girl still on his lap while rubbing his cheek.

Rachel waved a small, slim finger in front of his face. "It not nice to bite."

John frowned, leaning his head back against the couch to look at his fiance. A pleading expression on his face. Lita laughed as she walked around the couch and picked up the four year-old, who quickly began to pout. However, instead of walking away like the others thought she turned and took a seat on John's unoccupied lap with the little brunette perched on her lap.

Beside them Tabby poked a t-shirt wearing Randy Orton. The man ignoring the little girls' action as he continued to watch the football game. The blonde girl pouted not liking the fact that she was being ignored. She stuck her finger in her mouth, a smile appearing on her face shortly before she stuck the same finger in a distracted Orton's ear.

"Aw shit! Eww! Maria!" Orton exclaimed as he rubbed his ear. The little blonde on his lap staring at him wide eyed before the young man received three hard slaps to the back of the head. Randy mumbling 'Ow' as he rubbed his sore head. John snickered from his spot on the couch while Kurt removed his hands from over his daughter's ears.

"Randy." Maria hissed as she glared warningly as the blue eyed man.

"Sorry it slipped." Randy stated as he looked down at the little girl still on his lap. Tabby's eyes still wide with a curious glint in them.

"Ria? What's that word mean?" She asked looking at her older cousin.

Maria smiled softly. "Don't worry about it Tabs."

"But Ria-"

"Tabby no." the young woman stated more firmly.

Tabby pouted, crossing her arms and leaning back against Orton. The dark haired man sighing as he shook his head before turning his attention back to the football game.

"Mommy, can I get ice cream?" A new little voice said from the hallway.

"Olivia I said no. You are being punished remember. That means no treats." They heard the all too familiar voice of Trish Gutiérrez reply.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" John asked, glaring towards the main hallway. He grumbled when he felt a sharp elbow grinding into his stomach. "What? I'm just sayin' people don't know how to knock or ring the doorbell anymore."

"Hi to you too hermano." Rey said as he walked in, a two-year-old girl holding tightly to his neck. Shortly after him two more kids stepped in. A pouting brunette girl and a shy looking boy. The pair following after their father, waiting till he situated himself on a chair with their sister on his lap so that they could take a seat beside his legs.

Trish walked in, pushed her blonde hair from her shoulder as she made her way to her husband sitting on the armchair.

"Y'all watching this too? Rey was watching this before we left." Trish said rolling her eyes before she looked over at the others.

"Yeah, well I'm tryin' to watch." John spoke, his finger poking the redhead perched on his lap in the ribs. "So if ya don't mind."

Lita rolled her eyes as she put Rachel down on the floor and stood up. The little girl going off to sit next to Rey's son and happily chat.

"By the way Li. Lil and Ty showed up just as we arrived. Tyson was having a little trouble with getting Travis out of the car." Trish laughed softly, "He was holding onto the door pretty tight."

"I wonder why he doesn't like coming here anymore." Lita grumbled, glancing at the distracted John Cena. "Yeah well..."

"Travis I'll give you five dollars if you stop crying." They all heard Tyson Tomko say over the wails of his five-year-old. A loud smack and a round of laughter shortly followed his comment.

Maria smiled at Lita. "Looks like everyone made it. It sounds like Steph and Hunter are here as well."

Dawn nodded her agreement. "Carlito and Candice are here as well."

Sure enough another group of people made their way into the living room. Among them, Lilian and Tyson with their five-year-old, who was currently stuffing a five-dollar bill into the pocket of his overalls. The container in Lilian's hands was taken to the kitchen with Trish, Lita, Maria and Dawn following not far behind. After Tyson got situated, Hunter and Stephanie Helmsley entered - a 7-month year old bundle in the blonde woman's arms. A mini version of Carlito soon waddled into the room, promptly attaching himself to John's leg. The men soon being left alone with the group of children as Candice and Stephanie headed to the kitchen with the others.

**-X-**

"Are we ready?" Candice asked as she leaned against the kitchen counter. The others nodded.

"We just have to let the guys know." Trish said.

They all looked at one another before each woman turned to look at the redhead. Hazel eyes blinked under their gaze.

"What?"

Maria smiled, "Li, we think you should tell them."

"It is your house." Lilian added.

"We'll be with you." Dawn commented, tossing her brown locks from her shoulder. "All you do is let them know that they're going to watch the kids for us for a few hours."

Lita ran a hand through her head, glaring at each woman in turn. Each one pouting at their friend. "Fine." She huffed, linking arms with Candice and Maria before pulling both women out with her. The others smiled at one another before following.

"John! Guys! Bye!" Lita exclaimed as she continued to pull the two laughing women with her.

The men scattered around blinked, the children watching the women intently. John was the first one to speak up.

"Whoa where are you goin'?"

Lita smiled innocently as she stopped just before entering the hallway. "Well the girls and I are going out to eat and then catch a movie."

Maria nodded. "That's right. And it's just us and little Kevin over there." She said pointing to Stephanie and the little baby in his carrier.

Seven pairs of eyes blinked at them.

"You...you can't be serious." Randy said slowly.

Dawn patted his head as she passed by. "Oh but we are. We need a break."

Trish smiled, kissing her children on the cheek. "Yup so that lives you with watching the kids."

The girls' fought the urge to laugh at the horror stricken expressions on each of the men's faces, well expect for Rey. He seemed to be taking the news calmly.

Rachel and Tabby smiled both quickly jumping up onto John and Randy's lap respectively.

"Yay!" They exclaimed.

Tyson looked at Lilian then down at the boy sitting on his lap. Travis looking as though he were ready to cry.

"Please don't go." All six men cried out.

Ethan blinked, "Aunt Dawn, you can't leave me here with them."

Dawn waved her hand; "it's girls' night only. Ethan, you just make sure that everyone behaves."

The girls' shook their heads, each filing pass Lita to get their coats.

"Now, I put away everything that could hurt the kids. If you use knives or folks put them away right away. Don't let them near the cupboards. Their bags are in the kitchen.Randy and John, you two might want to stay away from the kitchen. Don't forget to put the child's gate on the steps so none of the kids go upstairs. And please...please do not burn down the house. The kids should be put down for bed at 8 and no later." Lita said firmly, glaring at each male pointedly before turning to head into the hallway to grab her own coat. "One last thing, actually watch the kids! Do not let them reek havoc or so help you all."

"Man your girl is strict Cena." Carlito said, earning a glare from the man.

"I heard that Carlito!" Lita yelled from the hallway. "And say away from my apples. I don't need to come home and find them all gone."

Carlito grumbled under his breath, ignoring the teasing that he was getting from the others. At the sound of the front door slamming shut and no female voices in the hallway, the group of men looked at one another and then at the innocent looking children scattered around among them. Each man worried and fearful of the night to come. It was definitely going to be an interesting night.


	2. Lesson Two

**Distribution:** Ask and you shall recieve.

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters used in this piece of work, aside from the children. I'm only using them for entertainment purposes, so you can't sue me.

**Author Notes:** Nothing new to add. Don't forget to read and review .

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**Lesson Two: Never Kill One of the Kids Pets (no matter how much you may hate or fear the animal)**

The men stood in silence for a moment, wondering how in the world the kids could go from calm to being on overdrive in a matter of seconds. Ethan was the only one who wasn't running around Johns' house yelling. The thirteen-year-old sat silently in an armchair watching the football game.

Johns' facial expression quickly took on that of pure horror. Moments after the women's departure, the children had scattered. "Someone grab the munchkins!" He shouted.

Hunter stepped forward, holding Rey up by his armpits. John scowled as the Mexican tried kicking at the blond haired man.

"Idiota." Carlito mumbled as he smacked Hunter hard on the back of the head causing the blond haired man to drop the Spanish man. (Idiot)

"Idiota, yo le debo doler. Yo no puedo creer que usted hizo eso. Retarde. Tonto incompetente. ." They heard Rey mumble as John helped him of the floor, the dark haired man having some difficultly as little Carlos Colon was still clenching tightly to his leg. Randy and Tomko fought the urge to laugh at the situation. (Idiot, I should hurt you. I can't believe you did that. Retard. Incompetent fool.)

John glared pointedly at the two, whom couldn't help it any longer and laughed aloud. "Laugh it up." He grumbled.

"Guys I don't mean to interrupt or anything but if you haven't noticed the kids..." At that every man in the room glanced around. "The kids aren't here anymore. Well at least most of them." Kurt announced glancing down at the little attachment to John's leg; the clinging boy to Tyson's arm and the quiet two-year old girl occupying Rey's vacated seat.

"You know us sitting here isn't going to help anything, we should really get those kids." Tyson stated, head turning this way and that.

"Well you only need to catch...six right? Rey's little girl is sittin' in his seat, Travis got some sort of death grip on Tyson's arm and Carlos is still hangin' onto my leg." John pointed out as he nodded down at the little two-year-old clenching his leg.

"Raphael, Olivia get back here right now." Rey shouted, the two kids in question stopped at the sound of their fathers' voice. While Raphael stood in his spot, Olivia quickly made her to way her father. The six-year-old girl not wanting to get into any more trouble then she had already been in.

Rey pointed to the couch, the little girl sitting down in a hurry. Raphael smiled at the men before he hurried out of the living room and down the hall.

"Ok so that's at least one down, five more to go." Randy counted.

"I think I just saw Travis head into the kitchen with Rachel and Tabitha on his heels." Kurt pointed towards the kitchen. "Izzy and Willy went down the hall Rey's son went to."

"Ok, Orton and I got the trio in the kitchen. Kurt you can get your own kids. Carlito, can ya get your kid?" John asked, prying the little boys'' arms' from his leg and handing him to his father. Carlos pouted before he took interest in pulling at his fathers' hair.

Kurt and Hunter went down the hall after Raphael, Isabella and William, while John and Randy headed towards the kitchen. Tyson, Carlito, and Rey stayed in the living room with Ethan, Travis, Olivia and Alexi. Tyson called out before John and Randy fully stepped into the kitchen.

"Lita said you two should probably stay away from the kitchen. I think you should listen?" The bald man warned.

John waved him off; "She probably made cookies and wants me to stay away from them."

Tyson shrugged, he smirked as he sat down with Rey's kids. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Rey eyed the larger man, "What's in the kitchen?"

"Just wait for the girly screams and I'll tell you." Tyson said no more, letting Carlos climb onto his lap to tug on his goatee.

**.:: Meanwhile::.**

Kurt and Hunter looked into three of the rooms in the, none of them containing Raphael, William and Isabella. The two men just about turned around when noise from the final room drew their attention. The gold medallist rubbed his head, the pair making their way to the room pausing at want sounded like a crash.

Hunter tried not to laugh as Kurt opened the door. The two men's eyes bulging at the sight of what they assumed was John's entertainment room. The cushions on the couch had been pulled off and on the floor where William and Raphael wrestled. Some books that had obviously belonged to Lita were on the carpeted floor; Isabella sat in the middle of the floor with a book open on her lap as she flipped through it.

William and Raphael continued to roll around on the cushions while they continued their little 'wrestling' match.

"John's going to whine about this mess." Hunter observed, walking towards Isabella. The little version of Dawn watched his every step.

Kurt shook his head, "Willy stop that. You're going to hurt him."

William and Raphael stopped, looking up at the bald man. "No I'm not dad."

"Uh-huh, let's just hope I don't let your mother about this."

William quickly jumped to his feet, his five-year-old sister laughing from Hunter's arms. "I'm gonna tell mommy!" Isabella taunted, laughing at her older brother.

Hunter snickered as Kurt shook his head, picking Raphael up and pushing William towards the door. The older men exchanged looks when two rather loud scream followed by lots of giggling and what sounded like a stampede come from the living room.

**.:: In the kitchen::.**

John and Randy surveyed the kitchen, spotting Rachel and Tabitha at the table. The two girls continued drawing in the coloring books Lita and Maria had provided for them, although the table was beginning to gain a few crayon markings on its' surface.

"All right small fries, time to go back into the livin' room." John stated, heading towards the two girls. "Where's Ty's kid?"

Tabby looked up from the Little Pony she was coloring in. "He's over there by the counter."

Sure enough when John and Randy turned around, Travis stood by the kitchen counter, the five-year-old boy standing on his tiptoes reaching for the container on the surface.

While John tried to talk the girls into stop coloring, Randy made his way over to Travis. "Whatcha doing buddy?"

Travis eyed him suspiciously, before pointing to the container. "I wanna show my pet."

The man's brow rose, "Your pet?"

Travis Tomko nodded, "Mama said I could bring Parker with me."

"Parker?" Travis nodded again, looking at the man as though he were stupid. Randy frowned as he reached out for the container.

"Be careful!" Travis mumbled, moving back as he made sure Randy didn't hurt his pet.

Blue eyes shifted to the five-year-old boy "Can I open it?"

Travis shrugged, "I was gonna take him out anyway."

Randy nodded, opening the container his eyes widening at the animal inside. He yelled, dropping the 'home' for Travis' pet. John looked up from where he had been helping Rachael with her picture, the older man wondering why Orton was suddenly stomping at the floor.

"What the hell are you doin'?" John asked, walking over to his best friend. Although he didn't have to wait for Orton's reply, the tarantula on the floor was enough an answer for him. Yelling at the sight, the blue eyed duo both stomped the floor hurriedly, cursing the animal, Rachael and Tabitha giggling at them.

Travis stood back staring at the two men with tears in his eyes as the men continued to stomp on the seriously flattened animal. When John and Randy were sure that the furry spider was dead they stopped.

"How the hell did that get in 'ere?" John asked, refusing to look at the mess on the floor.

Randy pointed to tearing Travis both men flinched, making their way towards him. "Don't cry."

Travis looked between the two men and sniffled before he let out a loud wail. The members in the living room quickly ran into the kitchen. Tyson looked around, Rachael and Tabby sat at the table giggling while John and Randy tried to get Travis to stop crying.

"What did you two do?" At the sound of Tyson's voice, Travis quickly ran to his father and gripped onto his leg.

Rey's brow rose at the messing black spot on the floor. "What is that?"

"Well..." Randy began.

Rachael and Tabby ran from their seat to stand in front of the men, giggling. "Uncle Randy and John-John killed Parker."

Carlito looked confused, "Parker?"

Tyson groaned, "Lita tried to tell you not to come into the kitchen, I even warned you."

John glared at the taller man; "ya could have been more specific! Why would you brin' a damn spider into my house when ya know I hate 'em."

Tyson smiled innocently, "Travis wanted to bring him."

"I want Parker!" Travis wailed, pulling on Tyson's pant leg.

The bald man sighed, glaring at the two blue eyed men. "You're lucky I'm not going to send you out to get a new one." Tyson picked up his son; "we'll get you a new Parker tomorrow."

Travis sniffled and wiped at his eyes, "Okay." The pair headed back into the living but not before Travis stuck his tongue out at Randy and John.

John rubbed the back of his head, "This is gonna be a long night ain't it?" He asked to no one in particular.

Hunter and Kurt snickering as they joined the men in the kitchen. Randy herded Rachael and Tabitha towards the living room with everyone following. John took a little more time as the others did since Carlos had promptly clung to his leg when Carlito had let him down. Rey reprimanded the duo for killing the spider, whether they liked the creatures or not, sending Randy back into the kitchen to clean the mess.


End file.
